


Hogwash

by NekoMida



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Blood, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 23:14:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoMida/pseuds/NekoMida
Summary: A night with Deadpool is like a night with the worst horrors imaginable: 30 to 50 squealing hogs.





	Hogwash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seinmit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seinmit/gifts).

> WELP
> 
> This was interesting to write, and I need some soap for afterwards. Please enjoy <3

His mind flashed at the possibilities. Thirty wild hogs, their coats smeared with mud, all musty from the underbrush of dense swampland. Sharp hooves tearing at his clothing, stomping his body into the dirt as he screamed, bristles raw on his face. And the tusks, so many tusks, sharp enough to cut to bone if he moved an inch out of place. More swarmed the pit of mud they called home, tearing at him, freeing rough flesh, any entry way into his body no longer hidden. The scrape of metal on bone, slick tendrils curling into his body. Squeals and grunts filled the air as they violated him in every fashion possible.

“Seriously?” The voice pervaded from above, fingers tightening on hips, forcing Bucky to open his eyes and stare at a wrinkled face that reminded him of a horror movie. “You’re just gonna think that out loud? That sex with thirty to fifty feral hogs is better than taking my cock? You sick fucker. At least I’m not shirt-cockin’ it again.”

There was a groan, and the other man chuckled, pushing deeper into Bucky’s body. “And you fall apart so nicely too. You know which pig I’d fuck? I’d fuck Miss Piggy.” There was silence as Bucky panted, shoved to his stomach with little effort.

“Fuck you, Wade.” It came out as a grunt, the leftover blood from their earlier fight staining the expanse of his black shirt, making it sticky. The metal fingers on his left hand slipped against the surface he was forced onto, and there was a chime of metal on metal, the swords pinning it in place. “That fuckin’ hurts!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I make a boo boo on your metal arm? You are worse than Colossus, he’s so sensitive about things like that.” Bucky jerked forward as a hand stroked the underside of his cock, his face growing red at the sensation. “Tell me you like fucking avacados.” The gloved hand continued to do so until he was overstimulated, Bucky moaning at the building tension, before leather-clad fingers pressed into him, a hiss growing between his teeth.

“I...like...fucking...avacados.” The words came out stuttered, and blessed relief came as Wade pushed into him again, the cords in his neck tightening as the other man worked him relentlessly.

“Good. Cause I’m the best damned avocado on the planet. Mmkay, peaches?” Wade bit into his shoulder, salt and iron on his tongue as lips caressed the shell of Bucky’s ear. Moans of pain and pleasure between the two of them built, until finally they were both spent, the entire area filthy with sweat, blood, and spend. It was splattered across Bucky’s tactical gear, on his face where Wade had marked him, and across his ass.

The squeak of rubber shoes made Bucky take a breath in. “Not again, Wade. Every time we do this, you have to wear those awful things…”

“The big rubber masturbating shoes? Well of course. Although they’re big rubber sex shoes now.” There was the sound of a grin, and a couple of shots of liquor were poured into a glass, dutifully handed over to Bucky. “And now, they’re my big rubber pig-fuckin’ shoes.”

“How the hell do you know about that?”

“I can see other dimensions.”

“Sure. Whatever floats that crazed mind of yours.”

“I can. I know that our readers are either laughing, horrified, or they’re stuck on ‘big rubber pig-fuckin’ shoes’. So predictable!” Wade chuckled, turning his head to stare at the reader, mild disapproval and amusement on his face. “So juvenile though. Pig-fuckin’ shoes shouldn’t be that funny.”

The sound of someone groaning in exasperation from the other room made them both startle. “I wish I couldn’t hear either of you.”

“How’s that Kullen coming along, Al?”

“Not well.”

Bucky groaned, the thought of the old blind lady knowing absolutely everything they did together, and he put a hand over his face, before scooting to the bathroom to clean up, the glass of whiskey only washing the taste of Wade from his mouth temporarily.

“Where you goin’? I could stage something between you and Al, make it geriatric fight night.” 

“I’m not that old, Wade.”

“No, but he is.”

There was the sound of eye rolling in the space between them, and Bucky grinned to himself. He didn’t know how he’d ended up here, with an old blind lady and a madman, but here he was. And life was good.


End file.
